At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
