How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
