And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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