I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
