but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
