He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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