I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
