I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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