Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
