i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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