Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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