Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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