i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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