Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
