ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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