My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
