I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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