so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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