So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
