i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
