my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
