Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
