Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
