I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
