She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
