you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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