so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Are my feet made of real feet?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
