I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
