he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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