you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
