His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
