fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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