My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
