so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
