i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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