Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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