i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
