his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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