My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
