hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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