I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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