I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize