well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
