Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
