I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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