Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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