Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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