My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize