I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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