I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You have to summon your inner elephant
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
