This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
