Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
