i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
