I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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