I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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