i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
