Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
