is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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