Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
