Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
