You just made me feel so damn special
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
God I need to hump something, right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
