Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
