Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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