I just saw a hot homeless man
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize