just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
