some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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