Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I want you more than these girls want KFC
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
